Unforgiven Sins

Cinyla’s POV

Those memories are almost flawless, they form over and over again in my mind as if they were a drama going on, and continuing over and over until they are perfect. It’s just annoying because I don’t know how to forget him, how to get rid of the last words he let out.

“I love you, Cinyla. I love you.”

“I love you, Cinyla. I love you.”

“I love you, Cinyla. I love you.”

Ugh! It’s exhausting!

I was already hiding in the pillow because I felt when I was dilated, he was chasing me. Why is he so quick to admit it? I don’t even know if he’s real or because he’s drawn to our relationship. I just took a deep breath and tried to erase from my mind what he said yesterday. I sat down first and adjusted myself.

I also thought that I should distance myself from him first, I don’t want to deepen his feelings and I don’t want to fall for him forever. It’s not right, and I don’t want us to have a deep relationship.

I’m just going downstairs to eat and since it’s Sunday and I don’t have school, I’d rather have fun, than be overwhelmed by his words that I know are just lies. I didn’t even know him completely so he could say he loved me.

“Hi!” A greeting from a man whose name is BenChua.

I ignored him but was just dead malicious and eating while watching TV. The restaurant because we have a big TV in front so that we can at least enjoy it, but mama forbids me to use a cell phone, especially when it’s not important.

It stepped aside but I just let him, I just thought that a strong wind touched my skin. “Hey? Are you mad? Can I come with you?” his sentence.

But I was especially stubborn, and just focused on what I was watching and eating. I just ignore him until he gets tired and forgets about me. I’ll be the one to avoid it, it’s up to him!

But time was too fast and he suddenly grabbed my hand and he turned my face to his face. “Are you mad? You don’t want to ignore me? Did I do or say something you don’t want?” Its serious pleading caused me to stop and look at his gentle face. Why am I torturing him? Why don’t I defend and face what he said yesterday? What am I running for?

I let go and fetched water before he answered. “No. I’m not in the mood, please don’t bother anymore.” And I was just done so I put away what I ate and went straight to the kitchen. I didn’t even see his expression but he let out a loud sigh as if he was very sad because of my insult and disregard for him this morning.

I’m currently in the kitchen, wondering if it’s still right to make him feel this way? Am I too bad? Or it’s just that I’m really scared to face the fact that we’ll also end up in love but…

“D-daughter? Are you okay?” mama who was in the back suddenly asked. I didn’t even notice because of the things that were bothering my mind right now. I don’t know why I’m losing this way now, it’s just a question that I’m trying to avoid and the answer I’m looking for.

“No mom.” I sparingly responded and just washed the dishes.

“Cinyla, if there’s a problem, I’m just here, right? Always be careful and trust me.” My mom advised and she patted my back to calm down.

“Yes mom, thank you.” I first washed my hands to remove the foam and hugged it. Looks like I already know what I have to do. Nothing will happen I will just run all the time and reject BenChua. I knew he was shocked; I knew he was wrong to say that. He was just wrong.

Mama left and said she has a walk now; I don’t know mama where it is going but she promised to be careful with her every walk. We would have gone to church today in case I woke up late because I just woke up thinking about what BenChua said yesterday. And when I finished washing, I was about to go up to the bedroom to clean but I saw BenChua in the living room alone and as if heaven and earth were burdened.

I approached and talked to him, “A-are you okay? I’m sorry earlier, I knew I was wrong and I’m sorry if I was scared and chose to avoid you,” I said first.

I was about to speak but he suddenly hugged me tightly. “Please don’t repeat that, please.” He added while still hugging me. I didn’t know what I was going to do because of the fast pace, but on the other hand, I felt he was really real because of what he was doing now.

“Yes!” I respond so he calmed down.

“I’m sorry, not anymore,” I added.

He slipped out and embrace me and suddenly grabbed my hands. “I know everything is happening fast but please don’t repeat to avoid me like before. I know it won’t take long, but I can’t afford to repeat it. Please, let me first let you know that I love you. And I’ll let you know. Aunt, she knows too. ”

I seem to be dumbfounded by his remarks, it’s a good thing mama isn’t here but what if she’s here later or tomorrow? Am I ready to love again?

He squeezed my hand; he probably noticed my silence and my response was just a nod.

“Cinyla, I know you’re not ready yet. I also know you’re scared. But I won’t let you get hurt and when you trust me, I’ll take care of it. I won’t be in a hurry, but let me woo you.”

“But I don’t know-”

“Shhhh! Don’t even think about it, let’s just go out and buy you the ice cream you want?”

He knew one of my favorites, how did he know that I love ice cream especially now that it’s so hot because of the weather.

“No mama, no one in the house. It’s not possible.” I would excuse myself and just look at what he would do next.

“All right, I’ll just buy you all the flavors. You’re just here, aren’t you? I’ll just go out.” He said quickly and with a smile and left. But honestly, I barely smiled because he had ways, I knew I didn’t have to say more or anything.

And as I watched him come out of the gate, I couldn’t help but think more and more. Is it right for us to have a relationship? But I saw our last name twice in his belongings. What do you have, BenChua? Then, suddenly my cell phone rang and I stopped thinking.

I quickly dug into the pocket of my shorts and took them and answered the call. “Hello?”

Someone answered on the other line, “Hi, Sweetie!” It’s good that you answered right away, maybe I’ll go home at night because I met your Aunt Bellia. It’s me, your mommy, okay just stay safe there. So, be careful BenChua okay? I’ll just call him to remind him to take care of you too.”

“Where are you now, ma?”This belongs © NôvelDra/ma.Org.

“I am somewhere, don’t think a lot. All right, daughter. Only later!”

She immediately dropped the call and it was another addition to what I would think. But I thought about my mother-in-law, and I remembered that I had a mother-in-law living in Mandaluyong and that was Aling Bellia. But it would be a long way if he was still stuck there. I just told mama maybe it’s important that she went there.

And BenChua’s car blew its horn, his speed! I adjusted myself because I felt like I was bleeding because of the ice cream he bought.

But a few minutes passed and no BenChua came out. I wondered because who was that? I waited but there was not even a shadow of him. Until I received a text from him, and it stated that he would only pass by for a while but he would still buy me the ice cream he promised.

So my heart beat faster because I’m feeling nervous now. But I still mustered up my courage and went out, but I didn’t open the gate, it’s a good thing it has a small circle that you can peek outside first to see if anyone is there or not. But I never saw a car or a person but I looked below it and there was a big box.

I don’t know where it came from, but when I opened the gate I wasn’t mistaken I saw a big box. I double-checked it first and saw my name on the side I looked for who it was from but nothing was tainted by another name.

I took it and thought it was heavy but light. I brought it inside and immediately closed the gate carefully because it would be difficult for a bad person to enter me here, and I was alone.

What can it contain? Where did the size come from?

I didn’t make any more questions in my mind, because I might just have a headache. I just opened the box and I was surprised by what I saw. The meat is full of food and everything inside is my favorite. There were biscuits, chocolates, and two ice creams placed in the Tupperware. It didn’t soften because he was placed in a small box with ice, really well placed.

Instead of picking it up and eating it right away I first chose to search each side of it to see if there was a letter or what but I didn’t see anything. I’m tempted to eat it but I don’t want to because I’m afraid later it will all be poisonous.

“It’s a frog!” I shouted because my cellphone suddenly rang. I grabbed it in my pocket beside my chest and answered it immediately.

“H-Hello?”

“Hi, baby! This is BenChua, please open the gate. I am here!”

And I look at who the caller was and it was BenChua. I didn’t say any more; I didn’t turn off the call but I hurried out and opened the gate for him.

And when I saw him I quickly hugged him, I don’t know why this is as long as I know I’m scared right now.

“Are you okay?” He said anxiously. I didn’t answer but I didn’t agree, I just answered with the expression on my face.

We went inside first and locked the gate again. “I’m sorry just now, I had an accident so it took a while before I got home. My aunt texted she’ll come home later. Wait, is it okay?”

“No! Why are you taking so long? And what baby?” I punched and slapped him on his arm but it was only weak.

“Oh, here’s my order, haven’t you eaten yet?” he said in surprise and I was even more shocked because it was only from him.

“Is that from you?”

“Yes, it’s me. Who else? I missed something; I blew the horn earlier but I’m just lowering it at the gate. I’m sorry.” he explained.

“I hate you!” I slapped him because he gave me so much nervousness. After all, he still has a mystery box that he knows.

“I’m sorry, don’t be mad. Let’s eat. There’s everything you want.” he said sweetly.

I frowned at first because I felt bad for him. “He took my hand and kissed it, sorry baby. Never again.” Her tenderness. But I took it off and just went to the table to eat. ”

“Shut up! Don’t call me your baby, I’m not your child!”

“But you’re my future. Okay! Just try to eat all of that, don’t expect that’s not so expensive, but you will love it.” His tenderness said.

“Let’s just eat, don’t even think about it.” I’ll excuse him so he doesn’t think anymore.

And in those times, it was a memory I wanted to treasure. Not because it’s weird but, the first time I feel an effort I know from the person I will love as well.