Surrender Your Sensations

“Time for your dessert, Sweetie.” Then, Rupert stood in front of me right after feeding me. He turned my seat back on the table.

Now, I have turned my back from the table while I face him.Content bel0ngs to Nôvel(D)r/a/ma.Org.

“I am the one who is going to eat my dessert but you look more excited than me,” I pointed, giving him a suspicious look.

He chuckled before he widened my legs and stood in between them. He took my right hand then brought it to his mouth. I immediately expelled a heavy breath when he kissed my palm while looking straight to my eyes. His gaze was covered with so much desire. My heart beat erratically on my chest, there were butterflies in my stomach and my body started burning with sensation and heat.

“I want you to just feel me, Meredith. Just feel the pleasure,” he put both of my hands on both sides of his hips, “and taste me.”

I didn’t expect what he did next. He covered my eyes with his big right hand. Then, I felt him get closer to me and I had to widen my legs even more.

My breaths began to deepen due to anticipation and strange tickles in my abdomen. What did he mean about tasting him?

“Open your mouth, sweetie. Open it wide.”

I could feel his slight movement because I was holding his hips. I gasped when I felt the fabric of the boxers he’s wearing being pulled down. “Are you getting naked, Rupert?”

I heard him laugh but he didn’t respond to me. Instead, he moved for a moment before I felt his other hand on my face. He cupped my right cheek. I felt his thumb caressing my bottom lip before he said, “Open wide, Meredith. Your dessert is here.” Then, I felt his left hand made its way to my nape and then captured my long hair and held it in a ponytail.

The higher my anticipation, the hotter my body became. I willingly obeyed his command. I willingly opened my mouth as I felt his grip on my hair tightened, slightly pulling my face upwards.

“Good girl. You look sexy with your mouth open like that.”

“R-Rupert-”

I gasped when I felt something pointed and hard poking my bottom lip. Then, I felt it sliding from left to right on my mouth while there was a little moist coming from it. My heart rate doubled when I understood what that hard thing was. I tasted something sticky, a bit bland and bitter liquid coming from it.

“R-Rupert,” I gasped, realizing it was his length that was touching my mouth with my eyes being covered by his hand. I could feel how hard and ready his length was.

“Shit, Meredith. Suck it please.” I could hear the restraint and desperation in his voice. I like how much I would affect him.

“Should I suck it like a lollipop?” My voice came out hoarse and teasing.

“Please Meredith,” I felt him entering the tip of length in my mouth- a little gently as if asking for permission, “Damn, suck and lick it. Make me come, sweetie.”

I didn’t ask any more questions and pulled his hip closer to me. I heard him sigh. It was followed by his restrained growl as his manhood stretched my mouth burying deep inside. His right hand remained covering my eyes, increasing the heights of pleasure of how erotic we looked right now.

Sensual play… This is definitely a turn on.

“So hot… Fuck, your mouth is really hot.”

My mouth was so full because of his thick and long shaft. I could feel myself gagging just like last night but this time I know better how to please him. I opened my mouth wide so that my teeth would not scratch his skin. I sucked the head of his length before I moved my mouth up and down. I used my tongue to intensify the pleasure. I licked and sucked him and even tried to accommodate him down to my throat.

“Argh. So hot. Your mouth is choking me, Sweetie. Fuck. I want it faster.”

The next thing I knew, he steadied my head with his hand fisting my hair. Then, he started pumping his length in and out of my mouth. I was gagging and my saliva flowed on the side of my mouth with his rough and fast movements.

“Ahhhh sweetie! Enjoy your dessert. Fuck. This is for you.”

He groaned and then his pace became even faster. I was losing some air to breathe as his length was really deep inside my mouth. But I didn’t stop him. I wanted to pleasure him just like how he pleased me last night.

“Shit, I’m coming! Ah. Feel me, sweetie. Your mouth is really warm.”

He stopped moving and then pulled his length from my mouth. He also removed the hand that covered my eyes. I was in awe and in deep shock with the scene that greeted my sight. It was Rupert moving his hand up and down on his own shaft. He was heaving deep breaths as he bucked his hips to meet his hand’s movements.

I was stunned at the same time the libido burning my body intensified. The fact that I was the reason behind his arousal gives me pleasure too.

“Meredith… Argh, sweetie!” After a few strokes, he groaned for my name.

I stared at his length as it started releasing his zenith. The juices he released hit my face but I did not avoid it. I was heaving deep sighs as his essence covered my face. I licked some of those that hit my lips.

“You’re so hot, Meredith. This isn’t going to be the last time. I need to have you again.” Then he knelt in front of me. He didn’t even bother to lift his boxers again. “And of course I want to know you more.”

He was kneeling in front of me while I remained seated on the chair. We were facing each other. His length was hanging proudly in between his thighs as some of his essence was sprawled on the floor. He reached for the hem of my shirt and used it to wipe my face. He inched closer before he wrapped his arm around my waist. Then, he kissed my chin up to my lips before giving me a smile.

I blinked a few times before caressing his face. My shaking hand made its way to his cold-metal piercing. “Know me more? I thought you’re just asking me to be a constant fuck buddy?”

“Do you have to be really direct?” He looked at me in amusement as he held both of my hands on my lap. “But yeah. I want to know more about you. I can’t disregard the fact that we met again on the same day- after a year. Maybe, this is destiny?”

“Woah. A rockstar who believes in destiny? This is a first. Are you for real?” I even laughed and he immediately smiled at me. “But I don’t really remember where and when we last met.”

“That’s a bit weird though. I mean, you’re a bit of a bitch that day, that’s why I didn’t forget you,” he said, making me arched my brow in confusion.

“A bitch?” I laughed and then smacked my forehead lightly on his. “Was I really a bitch to you?”

“Uh-huh. A beautiful bitch though.” Then he tucked some loose strands of my hair behind my ear.

“But you said today is the death anniversary of your greatest love. How did we meet then?”

He was stunned for a few seconds before shaking his head. A small smile spread on his lips before he playfully pinched the bridge of my nose. He then stood up, pulled his boxers up, and simply gave me a shrug.

“Let’s not talk about it.” He turned his back on me and then began to put away the dishes. “I told you I want to know you more. Why don’t you tell me a story about you? Just tell me some information about you that you think I should know now that we are in this kind of set-up,” he totally switched the topic now.

I sighed. I guess he really did not want to talk about her. Fine, then. “About me? Uhmn… There are two things that I think you need to know about me.”

Contrary to Rupert, I didn’t mind telling people about things that hurt me. Obviously, he was still hurting so he was avoiding the topic about his greatest love. He hadn’t moved on yet because he could still not accept that she was now gone. But one thing that I learned in life after losing someone so dear to me and after being faced by an almost death- the more we nurtured and kept the pain by ourselves- the harder it was to heal and move on. It’s okay to open yourself up to others – it’s okay to let people who want to accompany you in pain help you. It’s okay if you ask for other people’s company and help when you’re sad.

I got up and immediately went to the sink. I washed my face then prepared the basin and the things needed to wash the plates we used. “I’ll clean the dishes since you’ve already cooked,” I told him before taking the stacked plates from him.

“Are you sure? You are the visitor so you don’t have to-”

“I’m not a shameless guest. I can take care of this.”

After Rupert put all the dishes to wash on the sink, I started right away as well. He stood by my side, leaning against the counter top as he watched me intently.

“What are those two things I need to know about you?” he asked after a few minutes of silence.

That’s when I remembered what we were talking about. I gave him a sideways glance before focusing my attention on the dishes I was cleaning. I suddenly thought, if I opened up to Rupert, he might open up to me too. I mean, if we want this fuck-buddy kind of relationship, we should at least make an effort to help each other in knowing one’s pain and happiness.

It is easier to know what will make a person happy than to know what caused him pain. It’s because you need to earn that person’s trust first before anything else.

I heaved a deep sigh. I think I trusted Rupert enough to tell him about my issues. I hope he can do the same thing soon. “Well … I can’t remember people like normal people do.” I didn’t look at him and just kept my attention on what I was doing. “Even if I’m close to a person or even if he is a relative, remembering his face is a very difficult task for someone like me. And that’s why I wasn’t surprised at all when you said we’ve already met. The only explanation why I could not recall when and where we first met even before in the bar is because of my condition which prevented me from remembering your face.”

“W-What? I don’t get it. How can you not remember the face?”

“I have had moderate prosopagnosia ever since I was born. It’s a defect on a certain fold of my brain that hinders coordination of the neural systems responsible for facial memory and perception. That’s what my doctor said.” I chuckled before turning my gaze to Rupert. His arms were folded in front of his chest as he looked at me. I could not see his face clearly but I bet he was now dying in curiosity on what I was saying. “Right fusiform gyrus- that’s the exact part of my brain that was damaged. Funny how that weird word was stuck on my brain but the faces of people I met weren’t. Isn’t that ironic?”

I sighed a deep breath before I averted my gaze back to the plates I was washing. No matter how many more times that I would tell myself that I already got used to my prosopagnosia-that it no longer affected me; I know I was just fooling myself. Because I was still affected and still hurting that I could not retain and recognize the faces of the people around me. Sometimes, I hate myself because I disappoint the important people of my life for not remembering their faces. I hindered myself from socializing because I don’t want to be a bitch who forget my friends. I had most of my time with myself- and that’s lonely.

I only had Bailey as a friend and I know I hurt her feelings a couple of times because of this brain disorder.

“What exactly do you not remember?”

“Faces. I can’t see the features and the parts of people’s faces when they are far from me. I can’t distinguish it either. For me, people’s faces are like abstract paintings. I can’t percept anyone’s whole face. It’s hard to explain but the faces of people I met were smudged and blurred. They need to be close to me so I can see their eyes; if they are smiling; or if their nostrils are growing because of irritation and anger.”

I gasped before smiling bitterly. I was stunned in my place for a few seconds along with the pang of pain that I felt in my chest. “Did you know that my mother just died without me even remembering her face? I lost her even before I was able to recognize her whole face.”

That was probably my greatest regret. I would always regret that I didn’t try harder to see and recognize my own mother. In my memory, I could see her beautiful smile; and her warm eyes. But that’s all I had. I failed to see her whole face. I was too late to do it because she died. I knew she had been waiting a long time for me to remember and recognize her face but I let her down.

“It’s not your fault, Meredith. It’s not your fault that you were born with that disease.”

“I hated this condition, Rupert. To this day, I still apologize to my mother because I didn’t see her before she left the world. She waited her whole life for me to see her. But I failed. I disappointed her.”

I felt him move closer to me. Then, he hugged me from my side. Both of his arms wrapped around my waist and then I felt his chin lean on my shoulder. “Is that why you are a survivor?”

I looked at him and was shocked to see the strange emotion in his eyes – it was like he’s hurt for me; and it seemed like he wanted to take away my pain. I’ve never seen anyone who looked at me with such concern- without pitying me.

I slowly smiled before shaking my head. I looked back at what I was doing before sighing. “I am a cancer survivor, Rupert. That’s the second thing you need to know about me.”

I felt his body stiffened. I could feel his heavy stare but I didn’t look back at him. I don’t want to see him feeling sorry for me.

“Meredith.” He hugged my body tightly before kissing my temple.

“I was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer two years ago. That’s when I was in second year college.” I heaved another deep sigh as the pain of that journey came back. “I had to stop from school and focus on my treatment. During that time, I didn’t know what to do. I was so devastated. But miraculously, even though I already gave up, I managed to survive. My cancer was healed and gradually, my body returned to normal after almost eight months of treatment and hospitalization. ”

“Are you fully healed now?” He buried his face in my hair and then I felt his hand start caressing my arms as if consoling me from what happened.

I found myself leaning my head on Rupert’s shoulder. I slowly closed my eyes and allowed myself to be weak inside his arms. It’s been awhile since I was pretending that I could manage on my own. I never realized it was tiring until Rupert came and offered his shoulder for me to lean on.

“Nope. There’s this thing called complete remission for cancer patients who survived and diminish the cancer symptoms after a treatment. When I managed to stay healthy and free from cancer symptoms for the next five years after my treatment, that’s the only time my doctor can declare my complete remission and I can say that I am cancer-free it.”

That is my fear as of the moment; I don’t know if I can survive again if my cancer comes back.

For almost a year now, I have regained my health. There were no symptoms or any recurrence of tumor growth based on my monthly check-ups. But then, there were four more years. Four long years to stay in healthy shape before I could somehow conclude that my cancer was not coming back. My doctor said that cancer is a traitor. Many were thought to have escaped the disease, but in the end they still died of cancer.

“You should be taking care of yourself then.” I was surprised when Rupert suddenly turned my body to face him. He kissed my forehead which took me by surprise. He gave me a reassuring smile. “I’ll be helping you on that matter starting from now.”

I stared at him before smiling. I touched his face and then stroked the piercing on his lip. This shiny metal ring is the most distinct way I could use to recognize Rupert even if he was far away from me.

“Don’t take off this piercing. That’s the only way I will know it is you,” I told him and he immediately nodded.

“Whatever you want, sweetie. I’ll follow.”

I burst out laughing before hugging Rupert. I wrapped my arms around his waist and then leaned my face on his chest. I don’t know why I just feel this kind of comfort with him. But then Rupert has a natural vibe that you could trust him because he will protect you with all his might.

“I was so ready to die back then, Rupert. But fate planned other things. And maybe that’s why I survived,” I honestly told him before burying my face on his chest.

I felt him caress my hair and the warmth from his tight hug consoled my fears. “Congrats on your second life, Meredith.”