JUNE BREAK

By AMAH’S HEART

This is another day to be happy and pretend nothing ever happened.

It will soon be my break time which is only thirty minutes.

I’m very hungry today and have been watching the clock tick slowly. It was crawling very slow and I kept wondering why it choose to be so today that hunger was dealing with me.

I just finished a full chocolate bar, two creamy biscuits and yogurt. It felt like nothing. Is as if I haven’t eaten for a very long time.Upstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g

I need real food and I will make good use of my thirty minutes break to fill my tummy to the brim.

“God, I’m so hungry. I can even finish a full cow…” I exclaimed loudly.

Ella my colleague who was on the same shift with me looked up at me strangely

“April, are you sure you’re alright? The way you have been eating this days is getting worrisome. I’m happy for you and worried at the same time. Hope you didn’t take any kind of worm medicine that is consuming every food you eat.. or are you a pregnant woman..?

The last question startled me but i quickly said. ” Hey! God forbids it”

She smiled and said “relax girl, I was only kidding. You told me that you and Louise are not intimately involved so there is no way you will possibly get pregnant…”

“Yes, that can’t be possible Ella. This whole pregnancy talk is making me nauseating. I feel like throwing up already. Please talk about something else…”..

I looked up at the time and clapped my hands excitedly.

“…”finally is time, I’m going for my break before I faint here because of hunger…”

Ella was laughing as I rushed out.

While at lunch I began to think over what Ella said.

I was afraid at the thought of it and kept saying “God forbid” each time my mind travels towards that.

God won’t let such happen to me. It will be double burn.

The whole hunger disappeared after few bites. I lost appetite all of a sudden.

I couldn’t wait for the work day to be over so that I can go home.

Is been two weeks already and my monthly cycle is meant to show up by now. It was supposed to start three days ago but nothing yet.

I did not want to worry about it but Ella’s word was making me so worried.

After the close of work I sluggishly get a bus and went home.

When Louise returned that night from work he asked me if I was alright.

I don’t think I can ever be alright, ever since that horrible night is been nightmare upon nightmare.

Louise said I’m thinking too much and I need to clear my mind. He said the reason for the nightmares was because I’m still nursing fear and hate in my heart and if I want the nightmare to stop then I have to let it all go.

I have tried and still trying to do that although it does not come often again but whenever it does it feel so horrifying.

“I don’t feel too good? I’m afraid Louise…?

“Afraid of what? He asked while taking a seat beside me

“What if I’m pregnant?

Louise looked at me shocked and didn’t reply

“… I know you gave me some drugs the following morning, I asked you what is it for and you said is to prevent any sign of pregnancy. But, what if the drugs didn’t work on my body… what if I’m pregnant Louise…?

“You can’t be pregnant April relax. The drugs I gave you took care of everything..,”

He stood, walked to the fridge, picked up a drink but I was not still comfortable because despite how he try to convince me, I can sense uncertainty in his voice.

Louise wasn’t sure of what he was saying. He was trying to hide his worries which I have dictated from his voice.

“, Is my life we are talking about here. I have big plans and future for myself. I’m asking you again Louise, What if the drugs didn’t work? I’m already feeling awkward and when I checked pregnancy symptoms on Google, it was all included there. What will happen if…”

“, Then you will go and remove it for good…” He said interrupting me.

I chuckled, annoyed.”, you mean abortion? God forbids you Louise. You raped me and now you want me to commit aborti…”

He interrupted again and said with a husky voice “, I didn’t rape you April, if you keep seeing it that way you will continue hurting and for how long will you keep up with such pitiful, pathetic tale. We had intimacy… as boyfriend and girlfriend is a normal thing. We live together, acting like couples… I’m not made of wood, I’m a man. No matter how I try to pretend and act along, a day will come that I can no longer do that. start seeing it differently and in that way you will be alright…”

He pause, sighed heavily and came to sat beside me.

“… you’re 18 years… not 20. April you said it yourself that you have plans for your life and a big future. You won’t allow pregnancy to ruin it all. So you will do whatever it takes to get ride of it. Becoming a mother at 18… is that what you want for yourself? You have to get rid of any sign of pregnancy by all means. I’m not ready to father any child neither are you. Make up your mind because delay can be dangerous…”

He stood up and started walking out.

As he was going, I shouted angrily at him

“you want to ruin my life Louise. Why? Running away from my family was troubling enough, I thought is all over and now I’m begining to regret my actions because of you…”

He returned back to where I was and said “I’m sorry if you’re feeling that way but you will be the one ruining your own life if you refuse my advice. I also wanted to ask why your salary isn’t paid yet. Is passed the paying time and I’m yet to get alert…”

I was surprised when he changed the sensitive topic so easily.

How can he be more concerned about my salary than my health.

I shakes my head sadly and told him that my salary have been paid since last week. My colleagues have all gotten theirs.

He picked up his phone and probably checked my account balance. I watch him heaped a sigh of relief before turning to me.

“Is paid, I wonder why I didn’t get an sms alert. Alright April…. I understand you are very stubborn but while at it hurry up with your decision. There’s no time to cry over a spilled milk. I have pleaded all I can… gave you a good suggestion which will be of your own good. I really don’t know what you want me to do again…”

He walked out.

I sat there thinking over my life.

I wasn’t sure yet, before anything I will have to run a pregnancy test to be certain.

Even though deep within I’m afraid it might be positive but I still have to be sure first.

I can only pray that God help me out at this junction. I don’t want to commit abortion, neither do I want to be a baby mama at this age.